Saturday the 24th:

Arriving to Bates a few days late, I felt that I had to hit the ground running but soon realized that running will not always get you to your destination and might just end up exhausting you. I can’t rush things and need to allow reflection to take its place in my process. Sharing will help too and I am hopeful that the showing tomorrow will give me the information needed to push through.

I find solo work to be particularly challenging, because it can be a lonely practice. I often end up prematurely judging the exploration at hand, wanting to fix it before it has a chance to be. Nevertheless, a solo is most certainly what I want to focus on during this residency. It is important to me to dance in my own work and I’m not comfortable placing myself in a group piece. Solo work is my chance to truly embody my process  and the pleasure of experiencing this physicality first hand cannot be matched. I remind myself of the agony of past beginnings and am assured that the process will gain momentum. Here at Bates, I am given precious time and resources to develop this work that I have wanted to make for a while now. With teaching and touring during the school year I have not succeeded in making it a priority. Here and now it is.

Deborah (Goffe) and I have talked about this shared loneliness and have decided to work in the same studio on Sunday, each with our own process but in the same space. Part of what is missing is simply another presence, which can offer support and a witness to the process. Witnessing from many perspectives so naturally happens in a group creation and I realize now that this is a big part of what I am craving. So, tomorrow I share and add witnesses to my process.

Tuesday the 27^th:

The last few days have been very productive and I feel that I have pushed through. The informal showing on Sunday night was a big part of that. Not only was it helpful for the feedback but also for the “mistakes” and the chance to just get the dance out of my head and into the space. I am working with projection for the first time and, yes; there is a learning curve. Dawn (Stoppiello) helped me set things up and I love that I can so easily have access to her whenever a question pops into my head.

The work is gaining momentum, I know that because ideas are rushing in and out of my head at all times of the day, especially when I am trying to sleep. I am thinking of adding another video and have begun working with four lovely dancers in order to add witnesses to the solo. Thanks Deborah (Goffe), Diana (Deaver), Meredith (Robinson), and Philip (Montana). Today, I invited Vic (Victoria Marks) into my rehearsal and was really excited about our conversation. I can’t wait to do this again. This process confirms that it is crucial for me to share while I am making, make then share, make again, share again.

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During the first week of rehearsals I thought I was making a dance titled “Normal.” By week three, the 15-minute ode to the pink shag became “Theater in the Head.” Here are a few highlights/discoveries during the final week of the residency.

Task

In Bebe’s Making Dances class on Monday, she reminded us to look to the movement and allow the body to tell its story. I applied this notion to rehearsal. I asked the three dancers to do the movement with no “performance” intention other than accomplishing the physical task of each action. As a result, I was able to see what was really there rather than impose my idea of what should be there. For example, instead of telling the dancers to act as if they were “trying but failing,” I asked them to do a nearly impossible task. The high stakes of having to do a simple yet challenging task in public created a real experience of trying, wanting to succeed, and possibly failing. This directive gave the dancers the freedom to discover their version of the experience.

Brainstorms for Breakfast:

I usually brainstorm during rehearsals and often feel that there is not enough time to deepen the brainstorm or put the ideas into action in a thoughtful way. This week, I learned a new process that works great for me.

On Tuesday morning, Diana and I had a 2-3 hour brainstorming session and allowed our imaginations to spin out. Within the last hour we had completely reshaped the work and decided on a specific agenda for the rehearsal. Brainstorming with Diana was useful for many reasons. I’ve worked with her for over a decade, so she knows when I am going to cut an idea before I get too invested in it. What a time saver! We also have a similar sensibility. Her suggestions often lead me to places where I should go but can’t get to alone. The next time I create a work, I will plan on having company brainstorming sessions prior to going into the studio. If I had the luxury of another residency, I would brainstorm for breakfast, marinate for lunch and go to the studio for rehearsal just before dinner. This may seem like an obvious choice to some, but for me it was a fantastic revelation. It is less isolating and allows the dancers to be an inherent part of the process. I truly appreciated the insight, investment, and laughter along the way.

Music:

I am very excited by popular culture, particularly music. I like to work with irony and satire in relation to pop music, usually as a form of social commentary or to frame a particular slant on the movement. The lyrics are as equally important as the music.

At this point in this process, with one day until our showing, I felt like a racehorse at the starting gate. I knew I was about to spew the work into place. Instinctively, I sat for many, many hours and played with the piece’s songs in varying orders until I felt them click into place. A puzzle. I listened obsessively to every detail until I lost the ability to concentrate.

After doing so, I knew I had found it. Questions were answered and new ideas emerged. It felt right.

“What is this one in reaction to?”

I was having such a hard time simply stating what this new work is about. I think if you can’t say it simply then the idea, and therefore the work, is not clear. When I told my mom I was making one of the oddest – hopefully funny – and possibly most devastating works yet, she said, “Oh Love, what’s this one in reaction to?” It is a simple question. But when answered truthfully, it became the heart of the work. There were a jumble of emotions stirring in my belly, and when I directed them into the choreography in answer to her question, the dance finally introduced itself to me.

In Summary:

The supportive environment at the Bates Dance Festival encourages experimentation. “Theater in the Head” (new title) is quite odd, it turns out. I did whatever I wanted during these 3-weeks and shoved those nagging voices under the pink shag. During our Friday showing, I ran the sound from upstage and was “forced” to watch the faces in the audience. Not easy. I was surprised. What I thought was devastating made people laugh. (After the showing a few people shared that they had tears in their eyes as they laughed.) Uncanny. I guess you never know how people will react. It would be a lie if I said I did not care. I do, and I care hard. Nevertheless, it is the nature of our business to put our hearts in the hands of friends and strangers. And that is what is at the heart of “Theater in the Head.”

The End (for now) ~Adele

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“Living is a form of not being sure…not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.”

~Agnes De Mille

Monday, July 27th

Eureka of the day: There is no such thing as wasted time.

I felt like I was rolling a huge boulder up a soggy, slippery incline today in rehearsal. I had an idea to apply the same twister approach from the duet to the trio. It felt wrong as we began, but I could not tell why so pressed on until the boulder fell over the precipice. I eventually realized that it was too much of the same. There needed to be a new idea to move forward. At the end of rehearsal, I had an image of unified precision. The idea of an impeccable, seemingly inhuman perfection for the trio made more sense within our newly discovered conceptual framework of a “spectacle.” I may try the “Peter Sellers sings George Gerswhin” song as the sound score for this section. I am a little concerned about over-saturating with too many songs, but I’ll give it a shot anyway and see where it leads.

Like Judy Garland, Peter Sellers’s life was reportedly filled with substance abuse and emotional strife. I am really intrigued by the polarizing forces of humor and devastation in the lives of entertainers. A bright pink cloud with a dark cloud beneath the silver lining. I wonder how to convey the essence of this polarity without being too obvious.

Tuesday, July 28th

Eureka of the day: Form and space…and more Bebe

This week in Bebe’s Making Dances II, we shifted our exploration from context to form. We thought about how to allow the form itself to convey an idea. How to be careful not to tell you (the audience) what the form says.

I stayed with the idea of unison and precision for the trio. I had images of the Rockettes performing their mechanized spectacle in a small space on the edge of a cliff. Being more specific about where the dancers were looking helped me think about what they were seeing and how they felt about what they saw. When perched on the edge of the carpet, the dancers appeared to recognize the precariousness of stepping off the shag and into …

Some questions about space and form:

Through subtleties of form, intention, and actively seeing what is around us, can we transform the floor into an endless void? Can we change how we and the audience sees/experiences the space on, above, around and below? Can we make a 4×6 shag seem enormous? How does spatial attention inform and clarify what is happening?

Wednesday, July 29th

Eureka of the day: Slow down no matter how much it costs.

I learned a valuable lesson today. When I rehearse in NYC it costs so much money that I feel pressured to work fast, complete the picture, and then go back and refine. When working with narrative, to avoid a simplistic and predictable story, the narrative must unfold itself and emerge out of the form.

At this point in the process, we are getting a sense of who the dancers are in the context of the spectacle. I am on the verge of discovering their chemistry with one another. Yet, instead of going forward, my realization today is that there are still too many questions about who, what, where, why and when that need to be answered before we can move toward the next impasse. In short, we have met three people, and we need to know more about each of them before they begin interrelating.

Why do I always want to work so fast? There is a satisfaction in clarity and detail. Tomorrow — nothing new (unless new just happens). My plan is to go back to the beginning and start again, again.

Thursday, July 30th

Eureka of the Day: Begin again, again

It is about performing from our hearts, the ‘performance of extremes,’ as performers. That is what we found out today. We each have our individual stories of peaks and plunges as performing artists. Now our hearts and imaginations are sparked. Let’s begin again, again. We’ll caulk the spaces between movement ideas with our memories.

None of what I just wrote makes sense to me. Bummer. That usually means I am losing clarity in my vision of the work. So be it for today.

Friday, July 31st

Eureka of the day: Time limits can be helpful guidelines. They prevent ambling.

Before Rehearsal:

I found out this morning that we have an audition slot for Fresh Tracks at DTW on November 7th. This situation instantly clarified some questions for me. For DTW I need to move away from the intimate viewing of the work. This is tricky considering that what I like about seeing the work so close is how the dancers’ toes press into the shag; this and other such details get lost at a distance. There is also a 15-minute time limit. Given these new perameters, what is this dance about now? We already have 13-minutes, and I do not feel any nearer to a cohesive chunk. That must mean the dance is ambling and not saying anything. I need to edit with care and be as succinct and clear as possible. Oof!

After Rehearsal:

I’m still stuck! We had a great group of people come to the open rehearsal today. Good insights from most, but what stood out was that there were way more questions than comments. In working on details of movement, timing and intention, we seem to be going in a different direction than we realized. Yep. I’m still at an impasse. This is the point where I have to return to what we have been playing with in Making Dances—Let it tell you. Don’t tell it. I liken this part of the process to a roller-coaster clunking up the ubersteep incline. Not quite arriving but knowing a free-fall is inevitable. The question remains, will I grip the safety bar or throw up my hands and wail during the thrill-spill?

Saturday, August 1st

Eureka of the Day: Make each moment necessary

I was in awe then felt paralyzed after seeing Bebe’s latest work “Necessary Beauty” last night. The experience unfolded as it should. How did she do that? Bebe’s ability to dwell curiously in an unknown state is admirable. She seems to trust her process enough at this point to know it will unravel accordingly, whatever it may be.

I could not sleep last night. I kept seeing Tara, Diana and Kellie perched on the edge of the pink shag waiting for what comes next. That’s where we ended yesterday. Nothing was coming to mind except ‘retina burns’ or ‘after flashes’ from “Necessary Beauty.” The dancers in Bebe’s work were individuals in the exact right colors making their way through what was happening as if discovering knowingly. What made the work so appealing is that we had just enough information to formulate something but not too much that we were being spoon-fed a concept. Wisps of images and interactions that barely connected but did. How did they do that? These were my thoughts….all night long until daybreak. How do I make each moment necessary?

Laura (Faure) came into rehearsal today and offered some truly informative insights. After viewing the work, she asked me to tell her my intentions. As I struggled for words I realized that I was still unclear, and therefore so was the work. I know it is all there, but I do not know what it is. I feel it in my gut. This part of the process is fascinating to me. I doubt I’ll create new material. It is now a puzzle that I have to figure out. The question is: What is going on?

Here’s what I realized after rehearsal: I was getting lost in the details and forgot about the significance of the pink shag. If I return to the shag, I think I’ll get clues there. I think this dance is just barely a narrative. Instead, it might be a string of instances that happen on a pink shag. There is something about the very end that ties it all together. I’m just not sure what that is yet.

Laura had another brilliant, albeit simple, question yesterday, “Is this about some sort of pathos, and if so, what is it?”

Sunday, August 2nd

Eureka of the Day: To get unstuck…go to the “Theater in the Head”

There is an exercise I do when I’m stuck. I suppose it is my form of meditation. It’s called “Theater in the Head.” I made it up several years ago in graduate school. I close my eyes and let the images from the dance (thus far) circulate in my mind however they want. I do not choreograph it. I watch the dance unravel however it wants to in that moment. I try to pay close attention to the details. After I feel a sense of some type of arrival, I write down the images as they came to me.

This is where I am today after last night’s slew of imagery. Seriously, it is like a slot machine in my mind. I arrived at something a bit looser than a logical narrative. It was more so a series of tasks and instances on and/or about the pink shag. I am going to try them out on Monday to see where they take us.

As a teaser, what I saw was: matter-of fact meets absurd meets creepy; a series of instances on or about the pink shag carpet; three (maybe four) individuals brought together by a singular moment on the shag. It’s an ode to the pink shag!

Summary of the week:

We began the week discovering a context of spectacle, and within that frame, individual figures emerged. The impasse in this scenario is how to show the essence of these individuals within Diana, Tara, and Kelly. I don’t want them to act. I want to draw these states of being from who they already are. The week ended with a possible revamp. I hope we find that the layers of discoveries and edits begin to give the work dimension. We also seriously need to spunk it up. The pacing of the work in terms of its dymanic structure is lagging. I’m looking forward to this week’s adventures!

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NPR put this on the web

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111388464

and an interview with Cage from Fresh Air

–Debra

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How strange, and apt, to be among a community of dancers the day Merce Cunningham passed from the earth. His death at 90 was softened with the lifework he was able to complete, the honors that were bestowed, the fact that he continued to experiment until the end of his days (scores on Ipod Shuffle! Music by Radiohead and Sonic Youth!) and not at all least, the great good fortune to die in his own home, surrounded by the people who loved him, and told him so. This loss retains a faint, tender smile on its face.

There is no front, no back, no side to our universe: we are all points in space, he famously taught. I honored that challenge in a modest way. In addition to having the students in my class write about and discuss Tania Isaac’s “Stuporwoman” I made time for an ad hoc showing of selected Youtube clips of Merce’s “Channels and Inlets.” There’s a lot of Merce on the web: he was deeply documented, in part because of his long association with gifted filmmakers and due to his own abiding curiosity about how film and video could be another perceptual experiment. On Youtube you can see a bit of Carolyn Brown, serene and poised, or Karole Armitage linear as a yardstick. There are images of Merce dancing under Google Images, some famous for their photographic virtues and others of historical interest such as the photos that show Merce and John Cage together, young and vibrant and always avant-garde, comrades in arms as well as life companions.

Before Bebe Miller’s video showing last night, a small group gathered to think about Merce. Bebe shared how Merce’s example, and things he said, gave her permission to consider how going with your dance impulses might not be the best route – why not try taking that impulse and putting it somewhere else, surprising yourself (and of course, others?) Bebe’s own work, with its gracious embrace of technology, owes something to Merce’s pioneering. One student described how, by chance (ah!) she bought a ticket to what turned out to be Merce’s recent 90^th birthday celebration in New York, an occasion that evidenced another premiere. She sat in the balcony and saw the guest of honor in his wheelchair, taking it in, and everybody in theatre standing, and applauding, as if they never wanted it to stop.

Most of the students at Bates today have never seen the Cunningham company, and almost none are old enough to have seen Merce dance. Nonetheless, we are all his children, and grandchildren, and great-grands. The company, his private, beautiful laboratory, will fold after its valedictory lap. The legacy of his works will exist in authorized stagings and an archive that will unquestionably represent one of the most important in any American artist’s life.

Few of us get to reach the pinnacle of such an artists’ experience. But below that mountain, we walk in Merce Cunningham’s shadow, and that will remain a blessing.

Debra Cash

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